My response to the virtual book burning

ummah

So recently, fanfiction have been purging stories from their site, once again, based on the actions of a group of people who I can only imagine have waaaaaaay too much time on their hands.  After an author mentioned that three more of her stories had been targeted, I wrote a reply in the form of an email to these people.  Thought I might share my thoughts below.

WARNING:  CONTAINS NAUGHTY WORDS AND POSSIBLE RUDE BITS

Dear Prudish Nazi Fuckwits,

I see you have taken time out from your busy witch-burning, puritan, lonely lives to target stories for deletion that, in all fairness, you wouldn’t know was ‘rude’ if you didn’t read them. I just bet you’re the kind of people who have photos shoved under your mattresses that show ‘naughty bits’. Heaven forbid someone actually write the word penis or tits. *giggles behind hand like a 12-year-old*. You’re  also the kind of people who sit there fanning yourselves while reading 50 Shades of Grey but would have had the exact same story deleted if it were on fanfiction.net. Hypocrisy is not attractive.

I would however like to take this time to thank you. You see, by targeting these stories for deletion, it in fact makes people talk. And by making people talk they become aware of the stories. Suddenly, they become more popular than they were before. Not sure if you are all aware of this but, this funny thing you are using on the magical box with all the buttons is called the Internet and things tend to never actually be gone on the Internet. I’d say you haven’t heard the phrase “Once on the internet, always on the internet”.

What I mean to say is, there are other websites out there, better ones actually, ones that allow people to post pictures with their stories (boobies anyone?). This means that the stories are now improved! And best of all, they are websites that are free from sad, desperate, closed-minded people like yourselves that have way to much time on your hands.

If you really want to do something to help the world out and to protect the kiddies, how about getting off your fat lazy asses and volunteer for a charity organisation, or castrate pedophiles, or lobby the Government through mass letter writing campaigns to toughen up laws in regards to sexual assault on women, children and men, instead of targeting stories that are a bit ‘kinky’. Or how about targeting the media to stop sexualising our children and selling products through sex. But no. That will involve having to actually put down the box of chocolates and pastries and possibly leaving your house.

Enjoy your tiny lives and know that you haven’t actually ‘won’ anything. Yeah, it got deleted from one teeny tiny site……but there are squillions of others to choose from and in time, fanfiction.net will become a ghost town as more and more authors move away from them; kinda like MySpace.

Meanwhile, I’ll be over here thinking up the fastest and most efficient way I can get Alexander Skarsgard naked. Its kind of a competition I have with myself now. 8.25 secs is my current record but by introducing cutting utensils into the equation I am sure I’ll have more time shaved off that soon.

sincerely,

MissRon80

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23 thoughts on “My response to the virtual book burning

    • OH! I like you! This reminds me very much of a letter I recently sent to the FF Admins. Funny. I never received a response. Must be their puritan ideals. GREAT letter! Censorship is wrong in any form, especially on a site where creative writing is the draw and the more encouraged. Small minds are just that; screw ’em! Write what you want, what you feel, where you want. Your readers will find and follow you.

  1. Thank you for that very enthusiastic letter of how most of us actually feel. I loved your letter just wanted to let you know if you didn’t already fifty shades actually was a fanfiction about Edward and Bella before she pulled it and changed the names. So some of us got to read it raw. In any case my goodness how eloquent you put things you are my new hero. Oh and my game of getting Alex naked I am really close to your time mine is about 8.9 seconds I tend to get stuck drooling over those delicious hip bones of his yummy

    • hehe. thanks! i was indeed aware of 50’s origins. i like to mock friends often because they hate twilight and love this. me, i hate both but you don’t see me trying to get any of it banned or deleted. sheesh, lady Chatterley’s lover anyone?

  2. Pingback: My response to the virtual book burning | More Than A blog.

  3. Hillfuckinglarious!!! I love this!! You are so rite!! Hypocrisy is unattractive!! Also I happen to love the naughty bits!! People need to get over themselves and leave the rest of us the hell alone!!

  4. Well said Sharon. Also the naughty bits are kinda my favorite. Especially if it has to do with Eric or Godric, or Emmett (he is yummy too.) and, and.. there are too many yummy men out there. But every time this happens guess what? We get a new site to post stories too. Fiction press was created because of this last ‘book burning’. It’s so easy to use. I’m hoping to use that the most.

  5. This…is awesome. It’s not only absolutely true, it’s blunt and honest and everything I like in a person. It amazes me that people have such a lack of understanding of the Internet. For one thing, if some of these people are actually genuinely concerned about not exposing their kids to this stuff (but really, I’m sorry to say that your eight year old probably already knows exactly what sex is, due to the abundance of information either their older siblings or their friends older siblings have provided), there are these things called parental controls that work by screening out certain words on websites. So if it has to do with sex, drugs, etc., it can be filtered, and then access to that website can be blocked. If the parent then wants to enter the website, you put in the password that you picked out, and voila. Parental screening tools can be found under your Internet’s settings. Easily fixed. If they’re just some right wing fanatical religious extremists or something of that nature who want to censor the whole Internet of “evil and profane content”…good luck with that.

  6. Great letter! I particularly agree that by deleting certain stories, these misguided censors are attracting attention to said stories. Perhaps there should be a ‘place’ listing all the deleted stories or the deleted stories should wear a badge of honour for having been targeted?

    The whole thing reminds me of the Salon des Refuses (literally translates to salon of the refused ones) which was an alternative exhibition created by painters whose work was refused by the establishment in 1860s Paris. The irony is that many of the paintings that today are considered masterpieces were in their time in the Salon des Refuses.

    Small disagreement about the ‘no choking’ comment above… In the right context and between consenting parties, it can be right…

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