The posting of Kill Bill 2 has been pushed back unfortunately due to a pretty hectic couple weeks that suddenly presented themselves to me. I’d still like to get it published sooner rather than later, but we shall have to see.
The main reason for this post today is because I am actually extremely excited and really really wanted to share.
Firstly, I started seeing a psychologist a couple of weeks ago to help with my depression etc. and I have a feeling that is going to help A LOT. Within an hour of meeting her, she said to me that she sensed I adored writing but for some reason was struggling with it and seemed blocked. I burst into tears and long story short, she said regardless of what else I want to work on with her, she is making that a priority because she has a feeling writing was and is a huge part of who I am. I can’t even begin to tell you how happy that made me feel. I have managed to bang out a few things here and there, and I have been working on longer fics behind the scenes, but nothing seems to flow the way it used to. Feeling like I finally might be able to unblock myself is such a huge relief.
Now, the next one involves me having to post many gifs. Please indulge me as I go:
The bigger news has me almost as excited as would meeting a naked Askars. As I have mentioned before, I have been suffering from a series of symptoms for 18+ months now. A lot of these symptoms I have had off and on since I was eight and was particularly ill for two years when I was 12-13. While I was a pretty well kid, I did pick up stomach bugs and colds etc. pretty easily, and was sick for an entire year when I was 6 thanks to moron doctors. (They told my parents I had asthma, and then maybe suffered from a lung condition to the point that my mum had to learn physio exercises, only to have it turn out I had tonsillitis that was slowly killing me thanks to being untreated for over a year). Basically, it’s a long way of saying I have had so many drugs over the years it is no wonder I avoid them now and have a pretty sick gut. Anyhoo, as I said, I started getting sick again around 2010 – 2011 with it getting worse early last year. I have been poked, prodded, x-rayed, scanned, blood tested, other fluid tested, spit tested, ultrasounds etc. etc. all with no answers. Each doctor decides the root cause must be blah thing, puts me on drugs for that, to no avail. Then I got sick last year and ended up on antibiotics for almost 5 months straight and then again this year for over a month. (Two lots at the same time, both times). I was getting moodier, angrier, more illogical, stressed, hard to be around, unmotivated etc. etc. and it was driving me crazy.
A few weeks ago, my housemate was given a book by her naturopath about allergies and how naturopaths believe a lot of allergies actually stem from another source entirely. She handed me the book on Friday just gone and told me I should skim the symptoms section. Reading through, I was shocked to see that ALL of my symptoms were mentioned. I jumped on my iPhone and spent all of Saturday googling this condition and the more I googled, the more convinced I became that this may be the answer. The condition is caused by an imbalance of good bacteria vs bad bacteria. It’s a good bacteria that takes over which then becomes bad. It is caused by many different things such as being born with thrush, (which I was), and feeds on a diet of carbs and sugar, (which as a fat kid with a mother who NEVER cooked and therefore lived on McDonald’s, KFC, pizza and take-away/frozen foods this wasn’t hard to do), and gets even more set off with stress and antibiotics. I was actually pretty well in my 20’s when I first went on a diet to lose weight so was unknowingly starving this condition. However, in 2007 I had an upset which caused A LOT of stress and these symptoms came back. They then settled somewhat again until 2011, where due to the floods, my stress levels hit an all-time high. It has been since 2011 that I have noticed my symptoms, a list of 39, growing more noticeable. They hit their peak late last year after getting over whooping-cough / pneumonia. This is basically a really long way of saying that I’ve most likely had this freaking condition for YEARS and it is only thanks to my being tipped over the edge in April and heading to the hospital, that a chain of events has occurred which has lead to my conclusion.
Yesterday, I took myself to the doctor and told him I thought I had this and could he please test me. He wasn’t sure, even after looking at my list of symptoms, until I showed him the rash on my arm. The second he laid eyes on it, he agreed! I DO have this condition. And what is it? Candida. It’s a yeast infection and mine is located in my organs. It feeds on sugar and carbs and other fermented foods so causes uncontrollable cravings. If it gets in your blood stream, it also can cause mood swings, depression, lethargy, lack of concentration, low-self-esteem, lack of motivation, irregular periods, food intolerances and a whooooooole bunch of other issues. http://www.healthhealingwellness.com.au/health-and-wellness/candida-albicans has the list of symptoms here. Basically, everything I have been feeling and experiencing for so so long could very well be caused by this! It also affects fibromyalgia! Now, there is a good chance that not all of the things I suffer from have been caused by this, depression for example, however there is a chance it has exacerbated pre-existing conditions. Even if it hasn’t caused ALL of the symptoms, if it just caused a fraction of them I will be very very happy to finally address them.
So what does all this mean? Well, I get to start taking drugs, *sigh*, and I have to go on a strict diet to starve it back to normal levels. It can take anywhere from 3 weeks to a year to get completely well but I should see improvements within a couple weeks. When I got to my car yesterday after having the doc agree with me, I burst into tears from relief. Knowing how irrational I have been and how I have been unable to control it, just the thought that I might finally be free from these mood swings has me feeling so light. I am trying very very hard to not get my hopes up to much because there is always the chance this hasn’t caused all the fuss and I may need to keep searching for answers but that small tiny hope I have is the best thing I have felt in a very long time. I might become ME again!
So, I once again thank you all for your patience with me, and for listening to all my ramblings. A lot of the time I am not even sure anyone reads these nor cares but just getting it down on ‘paper’ and off my chest seems to be therapy enough. I swear on hubs (Askars) V muscles I WILL be writing and posting but I really should not push myself. If I lose people from lack of posting, so be it. If I lose people from my strange ramblings, so be it. I appreciate all of you greatly but am too damn old to try to make everyone like me anymore. Been there. Done that. Blew up in my face and ended up at the hospital.
Hope you all had a great weekend and for those in the USA, hope you had a safe 4th of July.