Hello All! Long time no type! As we are fast approaching December / Christmas, I wanted to update you all on where I am……
Firstly, I want to thank all of you who have recently followed or are still following me. Most of you have probably forgotten I even exist but thank-you anyway. I am truly humbled by how many people have wandered over to my site here and I appreciate every one of you. I’m sorry I am not much of a regular updater but I am still sans a home computer which makes posting difficult. On the plus side, I feel like I almost rival Franklin Mott from TB in the typing on a phone department.
A bit of an update on me. As previously mentioned, I started an extremely strict diet in the hopes that it may help to solve the mysterious 39 symptoms I have been plagued with for a couple years now. While I’ve been a tad naughty the last 2 months and not following it all that strictly, I am happy to advise that the diet indeed appeared to do what I had hoped. A number of symptoms have completely cleared up such as extreme ankle swelling, extreme mood-swings, severe heart-burn etc. I cannot tell you how happy I am about this.
The heart-burn alone was enough to drive me crazy. Before, I was having to rely on daily medication to keep it under control; miss even one dose and it was back with a vengeance. There were times I even had to double the dose just to get through a day. Now, I can go several days, sometimes even several weeks without needing it and when the burn does hit, it is nowhere near as extreme as it has been.
The ankle swelling…. To give you an idea of what I am talking about, here are a couple pics…..
(Pardon the prickly legs. These were taken right after I had a bad reaction to antibiotics and got an ever so fun rash…………)
But Yeah, pretty bad. This was occurring on an almost daily basis and got worse when I flew. I was unable to walk properly, was extremely uncomfortable and basically it sucked. I still have tendonitis in both ankles unfortunately but I can cope with the pain pretty well thanks to the fibromyalgia because I am used to ignoring pain. It’s also nice being able to see an actual foot rather than a giant puffy marshmallow!
TMI: My cycle is almost back to normal. Because I’ve been cheating the last one was out of whack but in an odd way this pleased me as it proved that the diet was working, even if it was horrendous and boring and difficult and I missed bananas like a crazy person………………
I had also been seeing a psychologist on a weekly basis for several months. (They clinic I go to closes over Christmas so I’m on my own for a couple months). I can’t remember if I have mentioned but I have suffered from depression since I was 8 years old. (I am now 34). Mine is caused by a chemical imbalance so I require medication in order to keep it regulated. The meds don’t always work however, especially if I am ill, on other medications, or have an overwhelming amount of stress. Since I also suffer from fibromyalgia, I am always in pain. On the 1-10 scale I am usually a 7, which I can cope with but as you can imagine, being in constant pain pretty much means there is no off-switch for your brain as it is always aware, affecting sleep, mood, stress levels etc. In 2011 I lost 85% of everything I owned to flood. Since that time I feel like I have been playing catch up with my life; taking two steps forward only to take 3 or 4 back. It got to a point where my body literally crapped out on me which was when I caught the pneumonia and whooping cough last year, then due to a massive emotional situation early this year, following which I attempted suicide, I got whooping cough again. To say something had to give was an understatement.
Prior to all this, I had been dedicating a lot of my personal (and work) time to helping people out with betaing, banners etc etc. I even signed up for a graphic design course on a suggestion from one person, something I cancelled when my computer died. I was overloading myself because I was made to feel as though if I did not continue to help in the manner I had once been able to, I would be replaced. (I am a people pleaser. I love to help people, to my own detriment. I also love feeling useful and ironically, the more depressed and incapable of functioning I get, the more I need to feel useful to feel as though my life is worth something.) This lead to feelings of anger and jealousy and contributed to the dramatic events which saw me now doing nothing got no-one and taking myself to hospital. It devastated me at the time, and I will admit to still feeling extremely angry and hurt when I think of what happened, but in some ways it is probably a good thing. Getting sick, getting booted, computer dying etc all forced me to realize I was extremely unwell and required help. While I am sad I lost friends over this due to their comments, etc, I also realized who my real friends are.
So, what does all of this mean. Well, the large story idea is still rattling around in my brain. I have a bunch drafted and written but I’m not happy with it hence why I never started posting. I’m also a tad terrified of posting as I wasn’t emotionally well enough earlier to cope with possible negative reviews I may get. A few months on and I feel I am almost ready to start again. I have a glorious 10 days off over the Christmas break where I am hoping to write some and go from there. I want to ensure you all get something good from me however. I don’t intend on giving you a half-arsed attempt, something badly written, badly described, with terrible character portrayal etc. Unlike other authors out there, I actually care about giving you a good product. I am without beta so everything you get will be entirely me but I hope you all are ok with that.
I hope you don’t mind that I overshare as I have in this post. I’m an explainer. I like to make sure people know exactly what is going on if I can so they can understand where I am coming from.
So again, thank-you all. I know I’m not known like the fabulous and awesome kjwrit or ficlit78 but I am grateful to you all for just being around.
Keep being awesome!