So, as some of you may know, (those who read my ramblings), I have suffered from depression for pretty much my whole life as well as various other illnesses. It is a daily struggle to get out of bed let alone be functional. I’ve whinged several times here and I thank everyone who has kindly let me ramble. I thought however, I might give an update.
So as previously mentioned, I started going to a psychologist last year. Unfortunately as it is a university clinic, it shuts down for three months over the Christmas and New Year period. An irony in my opinion considering that Christmas is one of the peak times for those suffering depression. My Christmas was made quite stressful due to the fact that my beautiful 18 month old car got hailed on (while I was in it). Even though it didn’t look badly damaged, it was declared a right-off. Thankfully my insurance covered a replacement but that took two weeks of constant phone calls and follow-ups to achieve and I was without a car for a month. I live 2.5 hours ONE WAY to work and because of my pain condition, buses are not my friend. Thankfully my glorious dad who is the best dad in the whole history of dads, drove 30 mins from his house to pick me up and then drive me the 30 mins to work each morning and afternoon for two weeks before I was given a free hire car until mine could be ready. As I said, best dad ever.
The depression however seems to be in control at the moment. I do still have down days, and my birthday was quite glum, but I’m not suicidal thus far which is the longest stretch I’ve gone for years! Yay! The fibro is being a bitch and the extremely hot weather we are having (30 degrees at midnight for example), means I’m still not sleeping well but cold baths are helping a little.
However, a few things have proven to be extremely effective in helping me. The main one is reading, especially all the glorious fanfiction. Unfortunately, as TB / SVM fics are now dwindling due to lack of interest, I’m finding it harder and harder to get my fix. A few awesome authors are still updating occasionally, (mistressjessica, kjwrit, victoryintrouble, CaliforniaKat and a few others), but unfortunately it seems that crap authors are the ones writing new fics the most. (Seriously, description people! Stop writing like it’s a list! And some of it is my fault. In my early days of discovering fics, I was so excited for TB stories I encouraged bad writers, something I have remedied over the last year). And of course all the old awesome fics haven’t had updates in forever (The Arrangement and a few trilogies with no endings). I’ll just have to go back to reading my fave Star Trek novels. (Oh no. How terrible! 😛 )
Meanwhile, the amount of Alex pics over the last few days has given me much happy. Everyone has most likely seen these but I shall share a few of my faves anyway!
Seriously! That eyebrow! I have never wanted to lick an eyebrow so much in all my life!!!
This picture is particularly mean to me. Arms! Tight shirt! His in-between smile and smoulder look! *swoon*
This whole photo shoot. There isn’t anything about this I don’t like. Actually, that’s a lie. I don’t like that I’m not in them with him!
Last but not least, my fave. Seriously, this smile is enough to make me grin like an idiot also! I still remember the first time I noticed his adorkable grin. I was watching a TB panel on youtube three years ago and he turned to look at Kristin and smile. Thankfully I was alone in the house so when I squealed, “OMG!!!! He has an adorkable over-bite!!!”, no-one was nearby to judge me. I’ve been obsessed with his grin ever since. It saddens me that so few pap pics of him show him smiling. He should never frown! Smoulder, definitely. Frown, no!
Thanks everyone again for letting me ramble, I am still sans computer so anything I am writing is by hand so it’s slow going and one day I look forward to transferring it into types format!
Hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Year! Mwah!